We’ve been super busy but we are still here! We are sending out lighting applications for the 2018 Food Allergy Awareness lighting season so please remember to get us your suggestions! Till then, here’s a little post.
Have you ever opened the dishwasher and thought to yourself “What in the world was s/he thinking?” Perhaps you are driving down the street and your co-pilot asks “Why would you go this way?” I have been married for a while now, and I could go on and on about these little “But I do it this way” instances that happen here. I would have had a very long list even shortly after getting married. From the temperature on the thermostat to how much dressing on your salad—I’m sure you have all been there. These differences sometimes aren’t a big deal, but sometimes they seem insurmountable. Really though, usually these are somewhat annoying but nothing more than that.
Then perhaps you become parents. There are going to be things you do VERY differently. Often, we land in roles like Good Cop and Bad Cop. One is the boo-boo kisser, and one says “You know where the Band-Aids are.” The one who they go to first to ask to sleep at a friend’s house, you ALL know how that ends up. At least for me growing up, it ended with “Did you ask your father?” and it was game on. These differences aren’t bad. Typically, when houses operate like this, all the kiddos needs are met by one or the other, and everything works out. The yin-yang of parenting.
This goes for allergy management too. While in our house there are several absolutes, one of the members of the house doesn’t do the same amount of… worrying, shall we say?
Absolutes here include NEVER leaving without 2 epinephrine auto-injectors. That’s pretty much number one on the list (well that’s right behind “DO NOT leave without making everyone use the bathroom!” There’s nothing like that emergency pit stop that adds 30 minutes to your trip when you have a few kids in tow!). This is one that we will turn around for. We will go home to get it. We will miss something if we have to because we forgot it. This goes for BOTH of us in this parenting unit. We’ve been late places because we had to return home. There have been a few times a class was missed because it wouldn’t have made sense to turn around and go home, turn around again, then have 10 minutes of class left when we finally arrive. We also typically have a written script with us at all times JUST IN CASE we somehow get far from home and realize we need another set of injectors.
Snacks are an almost always. Though one of us here is more mindful of that. In the winter it’s easy. TealKid has a zipper pocket where a few bars and wipes can be held for emergency hangry times! I’m really trying to be PC here and not name names, but typically one of us always has enough snacks on their person to last a few days. This person often feels like a pack mule with the snacks and wipes, but the non-mule sometimes has snacks as well. Not enough for a week, but again, differences.
Then there’s the “Meh.” This is the one that can make the more cautious allergy parent crazy while the not-as-cautious one looks at her (oh man, I just gave it away didn’t I?) and think “What planet are you on? A hurricane-like wind is NOT going to blow an egg and cheese omelet into his mouth! WHY would you even think that?” (Well come on, if we were in a tropical area and it was brunch time and there was a gust of wind, it so totally could happen! REALLY!!!) Now, these are two very different trains of thought, and each may think the other is totally crazy. Both of you are, and THAT’S OKAY! We all come into parenting with different ideas and thoughts and baggage, and it makes us evaluate things differently. Some of us may live in the long-shot lane, and others in the highly-unlikely-to-happen lane. Life would be pretty boring if we all thought “hurricane,” right? Though typing it all out, it’s pretty entertaining. Perhaps I need to charge a fee to TealHubs for entertainment, though I’m sure he doesn’t see it that way!
What does matter is that they ALWAYS line up. Figuring out what the top management tools are for your family is really pretty important. Being 100% on board with what your allergy action plan says, and carrying epinephrine, and being ready, are the most important things. The other stuff is just that, stuff. Because he and I parent differently, it does not mean either one of us loves our kid any less. I’m sure the kid likes the Good Cop better, but in time, they all will hopefully see that the Bad Cop was bad with good reason. We all have strengths and things we can work on. Maybe I need to tone down my “totally could happen,” and he can pack a few more snacks, but overall, the team makes it work even if sometimes we seem to be on opposite ends of the court.